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Saw is one of my favourite films (and indeed franchises); I can hardly believe it’s been almost ten years since it first hit UK screens. The box office success of Saw set it firmly on course for a string of sequels, and the arrival of ‘SAW - The Ride’ at Thorpe Park shifted the franchise into a perfect Venn diagram of my own passions and obsessions. The first Saw film holds up as an intelligent thriller, delivering acute tension, violence, and an exciting twist-laden story. The concept was fresh and suitably distressing, and it got people talking, like a ghastly game of ‘would you rather.’ However, as the sequels rolled in, there was a definite shift. As much as I continue to revel in the relentless viscera, the traps were gradually evolving into disjointed setpieces while narrative coherence and character development deteriorated. The franchise, rightly or wrongly, was firmly planted in the torture porn timeline of the mid-to-late aughts. This pejorative definition was essentially a broad implication of a lack or nuance and metaphor in the films branded as such, and while I’d hesitate to apply this term to the Saw franchise (especially given the term’s connotations with out-out-touch critics and mainstream media hand-wringing), I will admit that the franchise’s thrills are largely superficial. Despite all this, Saw will always hold a special place in my heart; from the whiskey-fuelled allnighters to the hilariously hokey final ‘reveal’ edits, there is much fun to be had. Ultimately, the traps are what define Saw; their promise of new ways to torture and kill via their grotesque mechanical cruelty is what kept me going back for more with every passing sequel. And so, with this in mind, I present to you the countdown of my top 10 Saw traps, in order of course. Needless to say, there are a few spoilers in here!   10 - The Freezer Room Saw 3 In this basic trap, the victim is chained up naked inside a walk-in freezer, and her body is intermittently sprayed with ice cold water until she freezes to death. Why it's awesome: This trap is simple but pretty intense. The victim is weak and sobbing, and the drama is ramped up with each with spray of freezing ice water and every desperate scream. It’s chilling to watch (sorry… except no I’m not). Incidentally, this trap is actually someone else’s test. Despite her apparent wrongdoing, there is nothing for the victim to subject herself to in order to free herself; the test is for the lead character, Jeff. His challenge is whether he can bring himself to save her and hurt his face a little bit, despite the fact that she witnessed the car accident which killed his son and refused to testify in court.   9 - The Carousel Saw 6 In this trap, six victims are tied down to rotating roundabout inside a large cage. The roundabout turns slowly but stops repeatedly so that each victim has to face a shotgun which points towards the roundabout. The idea here is that they are shot one by one as the shotgun is wired to go off automatically, unless their boss chooses to save them by pressing a button (which simultaneously causes his hand to be pierced by a metal spike). He only has the option to save 2 of the 6. Why it's awesome: This one makes me laugh out loud, hence being in my top ten. The victims (again, who are not actually being tested) immediately turn on each other and begin lying in order to save themselves, and that’s kind of funny to watch. The best part is the way the final victim screams his parting lines: “You motherfucker! You spineless, pussywhipped motherfucker!”. I also really like the morbid fairground music that plays as the carousel slowly turns.   8 - The Bedroom Trap Saw 4 The victim is strapped to the bed, his limbs secured in restraints. He has sixty seconds to make his choice: either press two buttons which will drive two sharp blades into each of his eyeballs, or do nothing and have his limbs ripped away from his torso via a machine with some impressive looking cogs. Why it's awesome: This one is seven shades of grim. Ivan is guilty of murdering, raping, and abusing several women, and the scene offers up a grisly sense of satisfaction in seeing him suffer. It really gathers pace with Ivan’s gradual realisation of his fate, culminating in his failure to press the second button. This trap also succeeds in testing Rigg and Ivan simultaneously- Rigg has the choice of whether or not to force him into the trap, and Ivan can choose to live or die.   7 - The Coffin Trap Saw 5 Strahm finds himself locked in a room and is informed via audio tape that he has a chance of survival if he enters an ominous glass coffin before him. Believing this to be a trap set by Hoffman, he chooses not to, and instead he waits for Hoffman to enter the room then wrestles him into the coffin. Hoffman plays along and feigns distress, but Strahm quickly realises that he has sealed his own fate; the coffin descends to safety and Strahm is caught between two walls sliding together, crushing him to death. Why it's awesome: This is a trap with a twist; Strahm’s realisation and panic plays out in real time with the revelation to the audience, signalled by the customary Saw theme music. Strahm is confronted by the consequences of his misplaced confidence when he plays the rest of the tape and discovers the truth: he is about to die an excruciatingly painful death. The gore detail on Strahm’s disappearing body is really well done; his bones snap and his blood spills onto the surface of the glass coffin below, where a smug Hoffman can observe and savour his victory. We also get a good shot of his mangled corpse at the end.   6 - The Blood Sacrifice Saw 5 The last two victims of ‘The Fatal Five’ find themselves in a room which contains a large tank, with holes down one side and circular saws within. There are channels running into a beaker in the middle of the tank, which must be filled with 10 pints of blood in order to activate the mechanism which opens the door (and saves them from a bunch of nail bombs). They must place their arms inside and allow the blades to rip into them, spilling enough blood to free them. Why it's awesome: This is another trap which delivers a clever twist: the last 2 victims realise that they were supposed to work together as a group from the beginning, hence why there are 5 holes in the tank. We’re teased with a couple of false starts before the victims finally go all the way and slide their hands into contact with the spinning blade, which slices neatly between their interdigital folds. They succeed and the door opens, and there’s a truly horrific shot of a deformed, dripping arm split lengthways.   5 - Eyes Sewn Shut Saw 4 By the time Saw 4 was released, Saw fans had grown accustomed to the tradition of each Saw film opening with a shocking and nasty trap to get the ball rolling. Saw 4 is no exception; in fact, I think this is the strongest opening trap of the entire franchise. Two victims chained to a rotating drum, one with his eyes sewn shut, the other with his mouth sewn shut. The chain begins to pull the victims closer to the machine but they are unable to communicate in order to solve the puzzle (the solution being a key attached to the back of the blind man’s collar). Why it's awesome: The sight of the two men with stiches in their faces is pretty grotesque and their panic is harrowing to watch. As the lips-sewn-shut guy attempts to retrieve the key, eyes-sewn-shut guys misinterprets this as an attack, and a brutal fight ensues with the weapons which are placed in the room (a great addition of extra gore detail to this scene). It’s really tense and not too elaborate, and has a great climax as lips-sewn-shut guys rips apart his stitches to scream.   4 - The Needle Pit Saw 2 The trap consists of a pit filled with syringes, with a key attached to a glow stick hidden amongst them. The key is required to unlock the door and ensure the group’s survival, and there’s a sixty second time limit for retrieval. Why it's awesome: What makes this worse to watch is the fact that this trap was never intended for Amanda. It was meant for Xavier, who pushes Amanda in at the last minute. Just the thought of several needles puncturing you at once is horrendous, and as Amanda crawls through the sea of spikes we can see the needles protruding from her bleeding flesh. What really gets me is when she really starts to go for it; frantically digging through the needles and screaming hysterically. That and the removal of the wedged needles once she is dragged out. And to add insult to injury, the key is retrieved but then dropped before as the timer runs out, and they fail the task.   3 - The Pig Vat Saw 3 This trap involves several festering pig corpses being blended up to mulch, one by one, and poured into a giant container with a man strapped to the bottom, the idea being that he will eventually drown in the putrid, grey, liquidised dead pig juice. Why it's awesome: This should be clear given the above description, but if you’re not on my wavelength then I’ll explain: this trap is outrageously disgusting in the best possible way. The utter degradation of this trap is one thing, but then add to that the fact that we see the pig juice going INTO HIS MOUTH. It’s unapologetically sickening and vulgar, it’s grim and super fun to watch. Plus it’s a nice little nod back to the pig masks. This is another test for Jeff; in order to free the victim (the judge who sentenced his son’s killer) he must burn all of his son’s toys in an incinerator, leaving only the key that was hidden amongst them.   2 - The Rack Saw 3 No mercy here; this trap is completely and utterly brutal. The victim’s limbs are secured with spikes, and each section of the rack begins to rotate until his bones fracture and burst through his skin. This is followed by the head twisting until the neck snaps. Why it's awesome: I love the growing intensity of this scene; it steadily gets worse as the limbs are twisted one at a time and there’s close-up detail of the protruding bones. The grinding sound of the machine is drowned out by the victim’s screams of pain and occasional cracking/snapping sounds. There is sense that there is literally no other way that this machine could be stopped; it’s big, loud and very metal. Unfortunately there is nothing the victim can do; this is another test is for Jeff, the challenge this time being whether he can bring himself to save the Timothy (the victim) despite the fact that he accidentally killed Jeff’s son in a car accident.   1 - The Bathroom Trap Saw This is the big one; the trap around which an entire story develops. Saw off your own foot and crawl to freedom, or be imprisoned forever in darkness. Uncomplicated and unforgiving in its methods, this trap is the one we all remember and love. Why it's awesome: This is where the franchise began, and this trap is the Saw centrepiece. I love the additional challenge put in place by Jigsaw: Lawrence has to kill Adam before 6am, otherwise his family will be killed, and Adam must escape before 6am. Each character risks being locked inside the bathroom forever if they fail the task, and has his own struggle and motive in a race against time for survival. The film reaches a gruesome, thrilling crescendo with Lawrence sawing through his own flesh and bone to escape. Beneath the layers of backstory which surround this trap is a huge twist, and despite so many repeat viewings, I still love to watch this unfold at the end.

Ever since my behind the scenes visit to Caine Who Am I, a new temporary scare attraction right in the heart of Sheffield, I had been excitedly anticipating the grand opening. With so many impressive ideas and talented actors in the project, my expectations were high. However, I didn’t know whether all of those ideas had been successfully put into practice; what was waiting inside the maze was still a mystery to me, and I couldn’t wait to dive in. Please be aware that the following review does contain a few details about the maze. There are no major spoilers, but maybe skip this if you’re planning to visit and you want everything to be a surprise. One thing has been clear to me since day one: the National Emergency Services Museum really is the perfect venue for a scare attraction. It was getting dark as we arrived, and as I surveyed the building, with remnants of the sunset fading against its old brick walls, I felt a sense of unease. It’s really quite eerie, and being inside it after dark was a real spooky treat in itself. I was getting quite giddy as we entered the dispatch zone. We were greeted by Sarah who ran us through a few basic rules, and also made us aware of the difference between ‘live spirits’ and ‘real spirits’, and what to do if we were troubled at any point by a ‘real spirit’. Personally, I felt that the mention of ‘real spirits’ at the beginning of the maze did devalue the attraction a bit. After all the effort of building the maze, with all its theatrical elements and skilled actors, it seemed a shame to shift the focus away from them and the scares they were about to deliver. Audiences could easily end up getting distracted; paying less attention to the attraction itself and becoming more concerned with the paranormal. Likewise though, you could certainly argue that this warning adds a great deal of tension to the maze. I guess it all depends on what you personally believe in. Our first scareactor encounter was spot on. He set the scene perfectly by using his voice and body to intimidate and unsettle us, and he got our adrenaline pumping before we entered the first room. This was a good indication of things to come; the scareactors in this maze know exactly what they’re doing. They were energetic and unpredictable; within each scene they engaged us effectively, and pushed us out of our comfort zones. They maximised the spaces they were working in by making good use of props and existing structures; it was evident that they’d taken a proactive approach in preparing for their roles. The maze actually contains a mix of scareactors and genuine paranormal investigators, which presented an interesting change of pace at times. This is a great example of the unique blend of fantasy and reality within this maze. In terms of scare tactics, this maze was a great combination of narrative and impact scares. This is something I don’t see often, and it was great to see it executed so well. We encountered traditional techniques such as theatrical & strobe lighting, jump scares and misdirection, but there was also a solid storyline and effective storytelling devices at work. For example, scenes had their own individual scare climax, but they also contributed towards the narrative because the actors kept referring back to it. Little clues of what was to come, and constant reminders that Caine was waiting for us; it all simultaneously increased tension and developed the story. The set design within the maze was excellent and showed real attention to detail. Each environment was immersive and fun to walk through. The classroom scene was particularly good; the two girls were scribbling away with crayons at their school desks, and the walls were adorned with their sinister artwork. Their bedroom was equally authentic; it was filled with children's books and toys, and the walls were decorated with colourful imagery which, in context, looked quite disturbing. The names 'Jack and Emily' were scribbled on the wall; a reference to the ghosts of two children who haunt the the museum. The moment we had been waiting for did not disappoint. Caine’s cell is probably the most haunted area of the entire museum and the scene which took place in there was extremely tense. Fear levels did drop off a little towards the very end of the maze, but that was more to do with the layout of the building than anything else (we couldn’t get a gate to open), and our final moments with the scareactors were memorable to say the least. This maze was a great experience and it had a lot to offer. There’s something for everyone to enjoy. However, beneath the culmination of the different elements, themes and characters; at the very heart of this project there is subtle theatrical aesthetic which I think seasoned scare attraction fans will appreciate the most. People who have walked through countless combinations of Heras fencing and strobe lighting will understand how refreshing it is to take part in something which tells a story and is also pleasing to look at! Attractions like this offer a perfect alternative to those of a more extreme and shocking nature (which do have their place), and remind us how fortunate we are to have so much diversity within the UK scare attraction industry. Well done to all involved!

Caine - Who Am I? is an exciting new scare attraction which will run in May 2014 at the National Emergency Services Museum in Sheffield. The maze itself is still under construction; however, PUP Events (the creative team behind the attraction) kindly invited me to their scareactor training day, which took place at the venue itself. This gave me exclusive behind-the-scenes look at the work so far, and the chance to talk more about process of designing this attraction. Without giving too much away, one thing I will tell you is that the team have worked extremely hard to bring their concept to life. The integration of actual historical events and the ghosts who haunt the museum is very impressive. So much research and thought has gone into this; all the stories and characters are real. The team have taken inspiration from the ghost walks that already take place in this creepy old building, added fictional elements, old school storytelling and traditional scare tactics, with a few surprises thrown in there too. It is a very interesting mix of fantasy and reality. The scareactors have also gone to a great deal of effort to prepare for this event. They have immersed themselves in the history of the building to help them understand their characters. One cast member even spent time alone in the room which is haunted by the spirit of his character, in order to communicate and connect with him. I also spent time in that room, and I must admit- it’s deeply unsettling. And yes, if you attend this attraction, you too will be stepping inside that room. Lee Conway, creative director at PUP Events, spoke passionately about the importance of theming and quality storytelling. He and his partner Sarah are big scare attraction fans, and it shows. Having progressed from home haunts to designing and producing professional attractions, they have an appreciation and understanding of the UK scare industry which has fuelled their enthusiasm for this unique project. I’d like to thank the team for this fascinating insight into concept, design and planned execution of Caine. I can’t wait to see the end result!

All-round awesomeness: You’re Next Pitch black comedy, slasher vibes, gore- what’s not to like? This film is smart and fast-paced, and I loved seeing the total transformation of the main character (played by Sharni Vinson). Her demeanor at the beginning of the film, in the awkward ‘meeting the family’ scenarios, is sweet and utterly adorable. She then springs into action the second they come under attack; she’s strong, resourceful, and a joy to watch. Such a brilliant performance. The script is great too; the interaction between the characters in certain scenes is particularly funny, interspersed with moments of violence and the kind of gore you can really get your teeth into. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun watching a horror movie.   Scariest: V/H/S/2 I enjoyed V/H/S,  but it felt inconsistent due to certain segments being significantly better than others. Also, the central story about the discovery of the tapes themselves was insipid almost to the point of feeling unnecessary. V/H/S/2, however, is an absolute treasure chest of horror gems, and it also utilises a much more engaging central story with a great pay-off at the end. Each segment is unique and entertaining; I was fully engaged throughout, and some are downright terrifying which is obviously a bonus. It’s everything the first one should have been.   Best cinema experience: The Conjuring We know the drill when it comes to haunted house movies such as this. Or do we…? This film is much scarier than I expected. I put that down to the fact that James Wan’s skills are so finely tuned by now, he can expertly build tension to unbearable levels, dangle us in suspense for what feels like an eternity, then break the tension at the perfect moment and give you an immediate heart attack. He doesn’t even have to deliver a nasty visual to acheive this; sometimes he shows very little and we still get a good scare. Formulaic? Yes, but that is true of so many horror films I see, and I won’t discredit this film for that reason. It’s an amazing piece of work.   My favourite: American Mary I can’t remember the last time I fell in love with a protagonist the way I have fallen in love with Mary Mason. She is strong yet vulnerable, intelligent, beautiful, deadly, and strong-minded. The character is so compelling, I rooted for her every second of the film, right the way through to the dramatic finale. The film itself has a strong body-horror theme; it reminded me a little of David Cronenberg (more specifically ‘Dead Ringers’, with the body modification & clinical vibe). It has some distressng visuals, which are actually quite subtle in the sense that they’re infrequent; we’re not overexposed to the torture and gore. It really got my imagination going, and parts of this film will stay with me forever.   Best remake/sequel: Maniac As remakes go, it really doesn’t get better than this. I loved this film! One of my favourite things about it was its somewhat conflicted tone. Super modern and stylish, particularly in terms of the mise en scène, with a retro soundtrack. It’s dark, brooding, and intense; this is largely down to Elijah Wood’s amazing performance. A genius bit of casting. All these elements combine to create a heavy mood- I found myself observing in an almost trance-like voyeuristic state at times, as I silently watched the horrific events through Frank’s eyes. I particularly like the scenes where Frank cruises the city streets at nighttime. It is bleak yet beautiful, and well worth a watch.   Celluloid Screams highlight: The Battery A great zombie movie that focuses almost exclusively on the relationship between the two protagonists trying to find their way, post zombie apocalypse. This relationship is so well constructed; the film has a great script and I loved the way the characters’ personalities clashed. It creates humour and emotion within the context of their situation. We’ve all had that conversation about our big plan in the zombie apocalypse- where we would go, who we would go with, and what weapon we would use etc. This film deals with the realities of these choices with more emphasis on the survival aspect than fighting off the zombies, which I really liked. The characters are so human; they end up in situations that I could completely imagine myself getting into if I were stuck in that world.   Biggest letdown: Insidious 2 This was an interesting one for me; I genuinely thought I would enjoy it. This film seemed to be lacking something. What really surprised me were the ‘scary’ scenes- the tension builds as you would expect it to, but then breaks either too soon, or not at all! The scares are still there, but they lack the build-up to really pack a punch. The end result is a jump scare without the dread. Not at all what I expect from James Wan. I was, however, happy to see more expeditions into ‘The Further’ (the garish realm of smoke, echos and  multicoloured lights which I liken to a journey on a ghost train, and I mean that in the best way possible). This was the fun element of ‘Insidious’, the part that didn’t take itself too seriously, and I was pleased to see more of that. They should make a third which is 100% set in ‘The Further’….

I exist on a staple diet of gory horror and heavy metal. Deliver them to me simultaneously and I’ll be dining out for decades on what has been served. This is precisely why Repo! The Genetic Opera is a firm favourite of mine; a film I will revisit time and time again for a dose of Grand Guignol merriment. Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman and featuring performances from Bill Moseley, Anthony Head and Sarah Brightman, the film’s soundtrack also boasts an array of beloved credits, including Slipknot’s Shawn Crahan and Korn’s Ray Luzier. Since its release in 2008, the film has developed a cult following of shadow-casters, cosplayers, and everything in between. I was lucky to catch it at the Showroom Cinema in Sheffield as part of its UK tour. Nathan (Anthony Head) is a repo man employed by Geneco: a company owned by Rotti Largo that offers financing for organ replacement in a surgery-addicted society. Should you miss a payment, Geneco can legally repossess your organs, and the repo man steps in. Nathan’s teenage daughter Shilo (Alexa PenaVega) is sheltered due to serious illness; she knows nothing of his work, nor of the world beyond her bedroom window. However, her world is turned upside down as Rotti decides that his own offspring are not worthy heirs to the Geneco fortune. Visually, this film is enthralling. Set in the future, the city is aglow with technology; floating digital billboards, holographic communication devices, and artificial eyes available for purchase that visually record memories. Yet for all this technological enlightenment, this society dwells in darkness. The city is evidently in ruin; a dystopian gothic nightmare. This juxtaposition creates some really cool visual contrasts. This decadent society is hooked on plastic surgery and there are frequent references to masks. These have sinister undertones of hidden identities in a world consumed by concerns over self-image and genetic perfection. Such dark themes have a strange resonance in the colourful, carnivalesque aesthetic of the final scenes in the opera, in which people rejoice over the cosmetic alterations and convenient organ transplants that Geneco have made possible; the same company that exerts an Orwellian grip of fear and control over them with a threat of legal organ repossession. It’s a mind-blowing concept. Combine this with music and my much-loved gore, and what you get is a completely unique viewing experience, climaxing in a histrionic and tense resolution on stage (an interesting reminder of the film’s theatrical heritage.)   The Grave Robber character, who serves as narrator in this film, is also an extremely effective and entertaining plot device! He addresses the audience with occasional updates, immediately enhancing our level of involvement with his macabre and darkly poetic speeches. He closes the film in this manner and the story ends with the same mischievous, darkly enigmatic tone that the opening scenes embodied, leading to a satisfying conclusion to which the entire cinema responded with loud applause at the screening I attended. For all the praise I tend to heap on this film, there are a few aspects I rate less highly. For example, the first time I watched this film, I was actually a little thrown off by the musical style. A certain amount of plot detail is delivered to us ‘opera style’ - through songs. It’s easy to misinterpret these songs as a musical break from the narrative, a momentary development of an important detail which has been dignified with an interlude, as is the case with many mainstream musicals. While we’re picking nits - the narrative is also a little clumsy. The film begins with some unsubtle exposition and then rushes through various plot points, making certain revelations feel relatively insignificant even though they’re really not, such as the fact that Rotti is terminally ill. At times it also feels as if certain characters play out as narrative devices rather than something we can become invested in. For example, there is little time spent addressing Blind Mag (Sarah Brightman) and her conflict in the film; her apparent confinement is never portrayed as a situation of such severity that it necessitates such a gruesome gesture of triumph towards the end. Instead, her circumstances serve as a reminder of Geneco’s power, and the ultimate point of contention between the main protagonists who steal the show. Ultimately, such comments around plot, pacing and character development are rendered pointless when you take a step back and appreciate Repo! for what is really is – an audacious, unique and outrageous display of bloody, rock & roll pageantry; a melodramatic gore-fest that’ll have you belting out its tunes long after the curtain has lowered.